Into the Light
by CaseyCuervo
Summary: Sister fic to "Under the Cloak of Darkness" Duo and Heero cheating on their girlfriends with each other. Duo's POV (also inspired by Kink - Elle.writes)


Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Gundam Wing AC

Paring: past 2xH, 1xR, affair/cheating 1x2/2x1

Warnings: sexual content, yaoi, language, lite bdsm

**Notes : sister fic to "Under the Cloak of Darkness". (This ficcie is also inspired by "Kink" by ) **

Into the Light

After a good ten minutes of struggling and fighting for dominance, I get him pinned to the damp mat, face down. Hmm, not fighting it, eh? I've really only got him pinned with one arm, he could free himself easily. Looks like someone really wants to be bottom bitch for this round. Good, that's how I want it, because this is the last time. But I tell that to myself every time.

My thighs straddle his, keeping his legs nearly closed. I tear his mesh gym shorts down mid-thigh, only exposing the area I desire. Pushing my own shorts down one-handed, I hawk a fat wad of spit in my hand, smear on my cock and make for a home run. I would prep him, but I think he likes a touch of pain during our bi-weekly fucks. Used to prep him, but he hasn't let me do that in a while.

Pressing in, I'm consumed by his tightness. He moans underneath me as a pound more forcefully the rest of the way in. In the beginning, he always topped me. The first time in particular had really been initiated by _me_, though I don't care to admit it. Our routine started just as a work out thing on Mondays and Wednesday nights, finished up with a wrestling match on a dingy blue mat that the Preventers have in their gym. We were best friends, not fuck buddies. At least, not until one stormy night that blew the power out, and _I_ blurred the lines.

We decided to wrestle in the dark, removed our shirts, shoes, and socks like always and just went at it. Eventually, he pinned me down, no surprise there, the guys muscles are practically steel, but I didn't give up. I wiggled and tried to find a way out from under him, and that's when my ass pressed into his groin. He was sportin some wood, and I fuckin snapped. The lust I had for him, that was supposed to be under lock and key, flood my entire system. I had thought my feelings of that variety for him had been long gone. In that moment, I couldn't have been more wrong. He instantly tried to lift himself off me, but I grabbed his wrists with all my might to keep them planted to the mat, and locked my legs around his so he neither of us could move.

Though, I could move. Just my hips that is. So I did that, raised and lowered my hips, pushed my ass against his dick as I panted heavily. I felt him get harder, as I lifted my hips one more time, I felt the head of his cock press against my hole through two flimsy layers of cotton shorts, and moaned loudly. That's when he started to move with me. We dry humped like two inexperienced twelve-year-old boys. I couldn't fuckin take it anymore.

I released one of his wrists, shoved my shorts down, giving him a very clear message of what I expected him to do to me. He used those strong hands to pull me onto all fours, oh man I was more than ready, like a bitch in heat, but the dumbass was going to dry fuck me. That would only hurt the both of us. I told to use spit, spit on it.

Good boy he is, followed my orders, and rammed me. I figured he wouldn't do any prep, so I mentally prepared myself for that, it wasn't too bad. But goddamn, he fucked me right into the mat, a more vicious screw than I had ever had. I came harder than I ever had too, guess I like a little bit of pain as well.

Now were here again, always in the dark too. I would love nothing more than to see him in full light, but he won't go for that. I don't even need to ask, I just know. Biting my lower lip, I thrust harder, pull his hair and make him whimper. Ah, motherfuck, that's my favorite noise. I doubt Relena can make him whimper, cry, and beg for more the way I can. Fuckin hell, I don't even know why they're together anymore. Their relationships dead, has been for a long time, but I doubt he'll ever leave her. I don't think they really even love each other anymore.

Shit, even my relationship with Hilde is long gone. Called it quits, again, three months ago, but this time it's for good. Once this started five months ago, my whole at home demeanor changed. I thought it would be a one time thing, but then it happened again, and again, and again. I felt horribly guilty for cheating on her. We fought and broke up a lot, but that doesn't make it okay to just fuck 'round behind her back. So I became depressed and more quiet at home, she noticed pretty quickly that something had changed. Our sex became more reserved and dissociative. Hilde would notice bruises or scratches along my body and when she asked, I lied. Anyone who knows me, knows I don't lie, but I couldn't crush her like that, couldn't expose Heero and have Relena find out. That's when I knew that even if this thing with Heero ended, mine and Hilde's relationship was completely over.

I broke up with her two months into my affair with Heero. She cried and asked a bunch of questions. When she asked of there was someone else, I lied again. Sometimes I wonder if he ever feels guilty.

I pull us both up onto our knees, and continue to thrust into his sweet delicious hole, wrapping my arms around his chest and raking my nails across his flesh. He reaches behind me and cups my ass. Ah yes, fuckin squeeze me. "Mmm...uh,uh, fu-ck me," he moans loudly. Aw man, I love it when he gets slutty on me. He used to be so quiet when I first started topping him.

The fist time I pinned him down, he relaxed completely and wait for me to do it. I removed our clothes, licked my fingers and began to prep him. He had been with Relena for four fuckin years, and I highly doubt she's the kinda girl to finger fuck her man. I tried to go slowly, scissor him patiently, but he kept telling me to just do it. So I did, I knew it hurt him a bit, but he took it like a man.

Clutching his jaw, I force his face to face mine over his shoulder, press our mouths together. He opens his mouth for me and I plunder him, both of us panting and moaning into this sloppy kiss. Fuck, I love his mouth. First time we kissed was back when only he was topping. I was on my back that time, looking up at his face, twisted in pleasure. When he opened his dark blue eyes and gazed down at me I couldn't help it. I pulled him down by the shoulders and fused our lips together. Out of all this, that kiss was my real undoing. I was still with Hilde at the time, and that kiss opened the flood gates to the affection and love I carried for him. It was then that I realized that _that_ was all I ever really wanted. Just a kiss. Flashes of all his near deaths experiences flashed behind my closed eyes as I kissed him more urgently, and an overwhelming feeling of gratitude filled me for him just being fucking _alive_!

I shouldn't be thinking about this shit while I'm fucking him for the last time. It's gotta be rough, nasty, and violent just like we are. Ending our kiss, I shove him down so he's on his hands and knees. "You like that bitch?" I growl as I pull his hips back to meet each forward shove from my hips.

"Yesss," falls from his mouth like a snake hissing. "More Daddy, please," he begs. Motherfuckin shit balls, can't deny him when he calls me that. Stokes my ego and gets me hot. He's the only one to ever call me that, it's my fuckin fav fav fav favorite.

"You're uh nau-ghty boy, uh, uh, aren't yo-you?" I grunt out and pick the pace up. He makes a crying whimpering sound in the back of his throat. Yes, you are naughty, and only I get to punish you.

The dirty talk is a mega turn on for me, and he took it to new levels. Hilde and I used to do it, but not like this. He lets me call him the nastiest shit I can think of. Bet Relena doesn't talk dirty in the sack. If she knew my favorite name for him, she'd blush for days.

Mm, cumdumpster. I think he actually likes it a lot as well. First time I called him that was also the first time I got my dick in his throat. I had pinned him, more like he let me, and I sat on his chest, pulled my dick out and shoved it in his mouth. He was a little toothy until I told him to watch it. Taking the reins, I fuck his mouth while he laid there and jerked himself off. I taught him how to deep throat me, the feeling of being fully situated in his esophagus is amazing. He choked a little, but got the hang of it. I did fast shallow thrust, keeping my cock deep in his mouth, only pulling out to let him breath. He can hold his breath for a decent amount of time. The lack of oxygen only heightened the experience for him. I also slapped my cock against his cheek a couple of times, and then came in the back of his mouth.

He coughed some of it up, my cum dribbled down the side of his chin. Laying there I realized he had reached subspace (1). Hilde and I only dabbled in bdsm a little, but I had seen it enough to know he was there. Being completely submissive during a new sexual experience catapulted him to that state of mind, which also told me he _really_ fucking liked it. So he laid there mumbling incoherently and panting. I cleaned him up, rained kisses over his face and neck, soothed his hair back until he came out of it. I don't think he realized where he had gone, or how it had happened. That was also when I knew he found this thing, whatever it was we were doing, freeing, liberating. Which is why he's been letting me top him more and more often. He can let his precious control go during this. I wish I could get him there one more time.

I pull out of him without warning, if I keep going I'll come too soon. Throwing myself down on my back, I tell him to, "Sit on it, and ride." He grabs my cock, and lowers himself on it, good soldier boy. This is my favorite position with him, it reminds me of the first time we made love.

You see, there's a difference between fuckin, sex, and making love. And we make love every now and then, whether he notices it or not, I'm not quite sure. I almost hate him for starting it. We had been like this, him on top, riding me like a damn stallion when he started to slow down. He rolled his hips leisurely, moaning loudly. We kissed each other feverishly, groping every inch of skin within reach. I wanted to lick every damn fucking centimeter of him, probably would have sucked on his toes if I could have. A little weird, but he's actually got really nice soft feet. Fucker made _love_ to _me_, and every time it happens it only gets better, more intense. Our temperatures increase as the air becomes stifling around us, and I could die happily in those moments. That night I cried a bit on the drive home because I knew I wasn't going home to him. Two days after that, I broke up with Hilde.

We've never talked about why we do this. In the office, it's just work as usual, but some things have changed. Whenever he leans over my shoulder, he lingers a little longer than necessary. Small touches last a bit longer. I catch him staring at me sometime, and he's caught me gazing at him as well. There's a palpable tension, at least for me.

I use both hands to jerk him off. Damn, I should have taken the time to rim him. I love the taste of his flesh, inside and out. He's moaning louder and riding my shaft faster, he's getting close. "I'm close," he shouts. Yup knew it, but I don't want this to be over.

This has to be the last time. I can't do this anymore. I'm not in this for just the sex like he is. It started that way, but I need more. I want him in my bed, not in secret in the dark. I want him there in the morning. I want homemade dinners, and movies on the couch, bickering over who left the milk out. I want the fights over stupid little things that escalate into screaming matches. I want the make up sex. I want it all. I want the good and the bad. I just want him. Every time we leave the mat I feel my heartbreak just a little more.

I've held a fucking torch for this bastard since we were fifteen, probably since day one! Well that's not true, I actually hated him with a fury when we first met. Fine line between love and hate though. He stole parts from my Deathscythe and left it broken, and now he's stolen my stupid heart which is breaking. I have a plan though, I'm going to tell him this is the last time, and Friday I'm going to request a transfer to the States. It's gonna suck leaving everyone behind, but I need to get away from him. He's not mine to have.

"Come on, come for me. Blow your load on me," I plead. His moans pitch to a high whining sound and he comes over my chest and stomach, clenching around my dick and pulling me over the edge with him. He collapses onto my chest, smearing the cum between us, panting hotly in my ear. A lump forms in my throat as we disengage and clean ourselves off.

I do so hurriedly. I need to do this now or I'll chicken out. Up and shorts back on, I can't face him as I whisper, "I can't do this anymore."

"What?" Is his shocked reply.

I clear my throat and say it again louder. "I can't do this anymore."

There's a brief silence before he asks, "Why?" He actually sounds scared.

Still facing away from him I answer, "Because I need all of you or none of you."

"What about Hilde?" He asks sounding more panicked.

"I left her three months ago," I tell him. He didn't know, no one does.

Then he blurts out the last thing I expected him to ask. "Do you love me?"

I turn to look at him still seated naked on the mat. "Yes," I whisper.

"Are you _IN_ love with me?" He looks terrified. Good, he'll let me go then, I've ruined what we had By getting emotionally involved.

"Yes," I say again. I walk away, leaving the darkness behind and enter the locker room. At my locker I take a few shaky breaths. I won't cry yet, not here. I start to change into my street clothes with trembling hands. He comes in, I can hear his feet padding on the ground. Heero approaches me, but I don't turn to look at him. I need to go.

"I love you too," he whispers. My entire torso tightens and my heart thuds in my rib cage. I gaze at him from the corner of my eye. He's not the kind of person to say that kind of thing without meaning it. I guess I haven't been the only one struggling with intense emotions. "I love you too," he says louder, making it a real declaration, as he pushes me against the lockers and kisses me.

I clutch the back of his head with one hand, the other wraps around his waist. He wants to be with me. It's almost too good to be true, but I can feel it. Fuck all the odds. Let come what may, come hell or high water, and lets bring this, us, out of the dark, and into the light.

* * *

(1) Subspace (also sub space, flying, or floating), in the context of a BDSM scene, is a psychological state that can sometimes be entered by the person bottoming in the scene.

Subspace is a term used to describe the state that the bottom's (or submissive's) mind and body is in during a deeply involved play scene. Many types of BDSM play invoke strong physical responses. The psychological aspect of BDSM also causes many bottoms to mentally separate themselves from their environment as they process the experience. Deep subspace is often characterized as a state of deep recession and incoherence. Deep subspace may also cause a danger in newer submissives who are unfamiliar with the experience, and require the dominant to keep a careful watch to ensure their partner isn't in danger. Most submissives require aftercare while returning from subspace. (Wikipedias definition)

You don't have to get super kinky to reach subspace, in the beginning. It gets more difficult to get there the more comfortable you get with your partner.


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